Prep the oven and pan: Heat the oven to 375°F (190°C). Grease a 9x13-inch baking dish.
Cook the cauliflower: Steam or boil the florets until just fork-tender, about 6–8 minutes. You want them soft but not falling apart.
Drain very well and pat dry with paper towels to avoid a watery casserole.
Crisp the bacon: Cook the bacon until deeply crisp. Crumble or chop. If you like extra flavor, keep 1 tablespoon bacon fat for the sauce.
Make the creamy base: In a large bowl, beat the cream cheese until smooth.
Stir in sour cream, mayonnaise, garlic, onion powder, smoked paprika, pepper, and salt. If using, whisk in the reserved bacon fat.
Add the cheese and onions: Fold in 1 cup cheddar, the Monterey Jack, and most of the green onions (save a little for garnish). Mix until evenly combined.
Combine with cauliflower: Add the well-drained cauliflower and half of the crumbled bacon.
Gently fold until everything is coated.
Assemble: Transfer to the prepared baking dish. Top with the remaining 1/2 cup cheddar and the rest of the bacon.
Bake: Bake uncovered for 18–22 minutes, until the edges bubble and the cheese is fully melted. For a golden top, broil for 1–2 minutes at the end, watching closely.
Finish and serve: Let rest 5–10 minutes so it sets slightly.
Garnish with remaining green onions and parsley. Serve warm.